On things religious...

Blessings brothers, sisters and the confused.
I would like to announce a true miracle.
The waters in Wisła (that's the river which flows through Krakow) started subsiding! You may simply conclude that it has something to do with a reduced rainfall or something else equally prosaic. But no, no, no... it is only because our glorious cardinal Dziwisz performed some sort of a secret rite involving bobbing up and down as well as large amounts of magic water and other things mystical.
The interesting thing about the clergy in Poland is that not a day passes without them telling us how to live our lives, bring children up etc. They are there in their best dresses to splash magic water on anything, new bus shed, power plant or a fountain. Splashing water on fountains seems a touch silly, but who am I to judge...
Anyway, with wealth probably well over the country's budget they just disappeared from the media the moment people actually needed help. I did not see a single priest on TV offering to pay for a bulldozer or sandbags. Obviously the non-magical water is bad for their health.
Schools were being closed and offered as refuges, not parish halls or churches.
Yesterday, when the waters started subsiding, I caught a glimpse on the telly of Mr. Dziwisz (the cardinal) mumbling something about St. Stanislaw and how he always protected Poland and how he (the cardinal) is going to wave his magic wand and the St. Stanislaw will rush from heavens to help. In fact I just found out that the remains of St. Stanislaw were hoisted up a tower for him to be able to "see the magnitude of destruction"... OK, call me a nonbeliever, but if St. Stanislaw is indeed a saint, shouldn't his bones be able to see the destruction from their cosy silver box? Don't saints have like X-Ray vision or summtink? Is a vantage point on a tower so much better?
Well, what do you know... it worked! The river is even lower today!
Hallelujah brothers, sisters and the confused!
I am contemplating prostrating myself for a week or two in front of the cardinal's centre of heavenly command. I can only hope it doesn't rain on me...
The cardinal has also promised to pray for the people affected by the flooding and reminded them that the disaster should enliven and enforce their faith - simple and obvious conclusion, innit?


Don't get me wrong, I am of the opinion that everyone is entitled to their faith and should be able to behave whichever-odd-way they choose.
I however am unable to comprehend that in the centre of Europe, in the XXI century antics like that are included in the news reporting and that in the serious section. If it sat somewhere with the baby panda and a tomato shaped cucumber, I'd have no problem whatsoever.
Last disclaimer. I assume that if the clergy has the right to give advice on parenting and sex life, I have the right to give advice on religion.

-*-

Continuing on my way to hell I'd like to share a photo with you.

It is of a publication I spotted in one of the Kiosks selling cigarettes, TV guides, soft porn and tram tickets.

Is it just me, or is there something wrong with this picture?

Is the boy leaning backwards, with his hand in the "stay away" mode?

Is the old guy just a touch creepy?

The title says: "Proofs of sainthood"... I know of a few places in the world where people get arrested for such proofs. I contemplated buying this publications (for research purposes only - I swear!), but I am afraid it's a bait and one could be arrested for buying it.

Nothing's sacred anymore, nothing, not even young boys...

PS.
It's Saturday, the Brits* are here, time to hibernate for the weekend.
________________________
* There will be a separate story on the superior race visiting Krakow on weekends. Stay glued!

River raging

The water level is 3.9m over the danger level.

Some banks have broken, people being evacuated.

Army with amphibian vehicles are moving in.

Soon I'll need a blow up mattress to get the ciggies.

State of emergency.

Despite the volcano sewing dust I managed to come back from London on my scheduled flight just to find Krakow in a flood emergency.
It's been the wettest spring ever and it's been raining full on since Saturday. By now the river is 3m over the danger mark.
Bridges are closed, people were let out of work early to get home, sirens, helicopters, emergency vehicles, sand bagging and traffic jams... in one word, fun!
I went for a walk in the pouring rain hoping that the camera holds up to the claim of being waterproof, so far no smoke...
Starting from "my" bridge, sandbags were being laid out. In fact they are also using water bags - plastic "bags" filled with water... clever or stupid... I'll assume it's clever.
Sunday's Oxford/Cambridge regata and the boat show havw been cancelled too.

On the other side of the river a current diverter was being built by a digger in the water and people standing on the sand bags in the river. The emergency guys have all the fun.

So much for "late May" installation of the new walk bridge. We hope it doesn't topple over in the flood.

Then...

...and now.

The main South-North arterial.

Obviously closed, but no problem, the bridge ahead is closed anyway - weighted down with sand, hoping for the best.

Krakow's latest swimming pool is now open.

My town is wet, why should I keep dry...

The decision has been made to ring the ancient bell at the Castle to stop the flood. The royal bell is rung about 2-3 times a year only, for other times we have a plethora other, lesser bells. Funny place Krakow, the city is flooding, let's ring the bell!

It may sound funny, but apparently it's a law to let the citizens know that something is not right. OK, we do have radios and TVs, but why change the law? What if we run out of electricity, then what...

A "Don't Panic" stencil on the bridge over the raging torrent...

_._

Walking along the river I came across an amusement park set up by zee Germans. Amusement parks obviously are now a part of an educational programme and are supposed to "teach through fun". Here's the bit on Australia. Spot a mistake for a chance to win a ride for you and a loved one on the "Vomit Master 3000" (due to reopen just after the flood).

Got it? I'll give you a hint: always keep both hands on the wheel while driving!

Even the lights up top are spinach-and-eggs, or gold and green if you wish.

There's something for everyone there:

bound girls for Col

and funny, funny clowns for DJ ;-)

_._

Walking back through "my" bridge I noticed padlocks with names on them locked around the railings. I was told that many gay couples "wed" on bridges and throw the key into the river.

Here's Lukasz and Pawel.

Hope you guys last longer than an average church-approved marriage.

_._

Finally, I've started wondering if I may have anything to do with the excitement, which seems to have no end. A few weeks after the death of the president, with a volcano doing it's volcanic thing and Krakow being flooded a middle aged lady walked up to me today and said: "Shorts!? In this weather?! END OF THE WORLD!!!" and walked off shaking her head. Imagine her conversation at the dinner table tonight.

"Did you see the river?"

"Phew! the river... I saw a guy WEARING SHORTS!!!"

"Shorts!? In this weather?! END OF THE WORLD!!!"

"That's EXACTLY what I said dear... what's next...what's next" Hangs her head, shoulders slumped, camera moves back, wide shot of the table, fade to black.

The end.

Update, update!

The Slovaks have killed the bear!

The hills are alive with laughter of children yet again... thank god!

Copyright: http://www.wildliferecapture.com/retail/bears/bear-skin-rug.jpg

PS. As the ability to spell is diminishing, one can have lots of fun typing "bear skin" into image search...

I have uploaded...

... a new video to Vimeo. Link to "Krakow Grey" on the side >>>
Do not laugh, but any comments will be greatly appreciated.
I am struggling with the moving stuff and would like to know what you think.
cheers!

Sports across the nations

It's raining, time for some TV. Sports, what else.
As the Le Mans in Spa is starting, I decided to have a look at a bit of the race. The preparations were going on, EuroSport channel decided to interrupt with a bit of "Whacky Sports" spot. So many funny things people do, pole tossing, under ice diving, ditch jumping, cheese rolling, AFL, uphill skiing. I had no idea there were so many whacky sports in the world.

Village life...

We had a long weekend here to celebrate the 1st and 3rd of May.
1st of May a labour day, 3rd Constitution Day. A flood of tourists was heading towards Krakow and the only logical solution was to drive against the traffic.
My friend Agnieszka took me to see her holiday house which, due to family issues is being neglected and falling apart.
Luckily, just next door is a house of our friends who have been living out there for the last 17 years. Generously, they invited us for the weekend.
The area is absolutely beautiful. Valleys, hills, forests and all of them covered in beeches and the man loves his beech!
We've spent the time chatting and going for walks in the rain. An added bonus of the trip was meeting my friend's sister who just happens to be the historical director of Versailles, so  next time I'm in Paris...
___

This is Agnieszka's house. Unfortunately it's in disrepair due to the typical yours/mine/you pay/I use... type of a situation.

This is the resulting decor...

Our friends' house, loved and lived in...

... and the resulting decor. The owners are architects and artists as well as art historians, teaching at architecture and doing some conservation work around the country, collecting and restoring stuff.

The meadows in bloom, no water shortage here.

Lush, lush, lush...

A neighbour in the rain. This house will be for sale soon as the owners are drinking themselves to death - hurry up I say!

Off to the forest, the clouds were rolling in making the landscape absolutely magical.

Local wildlife. Salamanders were once considered R-rated (near extinction). By now, with a massive reduction in use of fertilisers and environmental approach to farming and living, they are all over the forest floor. It's hard not to step on them. They must be one of the cutest animals out there. They feel soft and rubbery like a squishy toy and despite the colouring are not toxic. Apparently very bitter if eaten, not that I would try.

The clouds rolled in and it was time to test my camera's claim of being water resistant.

Sorta Japanese looking I think, gotta love the beeches!

Another beautiful house in the rain. The camera survived, thank you Canon!

In the clouds...

This is an R - protected mushroom. Again, it has not been seen in years and now they seem to pop up in gardens in the mountains. Apparently you can get a permit to harvest one a year and the cost is about $1000 a pop. The taste is that of a truffle. When grown, they are the size of a wine bottle.

This is what they call the May snows. Fruit tree petals.

We employed the latest Polish technology to clear a bit of the garden - women with scythes - brilliant. I used the scythe as well and I must say it's an absolutely brilliant design. Obviously centuries of development allowed it to become an extension of your body. Stuff the ride-on mowers, get a scythe.

This is Wojtek, the owner of the beautiful house.

Apart from being a teacher he's started producing environmentally friendly toys. It started as a hobby and soon progressed to a world wide distribution including Australia.

Due to the popularity of his stuff he was invited to take part in a EU's educational programme for children. The programme promotes social and environmental values and awareness. Wojtek works with a group of designers producing toys promoting use of public transport. You can see his stuff HERE.

It absolutely amazes me how progressive the EU is in their approaches to people's lives in general. There are masses of money being invested in the future, grants left right and centre. There are grants for rebuilding old village houses as long as they are restored to their original state. Slow tourism is a good grant getter and so is enviro-tourism.

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