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It's been a while...

No doubt. I seem to have run out of steam writing the blog - sorry.

I'll be off to China soon and I am hoping to do some writing here.

The exciting news is that Vimeo has just introduced HTML5 embed codes - hurray to the nerds.

Below are the two videos from the trip which were never shared here.

First a timelapse from the last day of Lisa's visit to Krakow. Shot on my hand-carried iPhone.

Last day's walk from Vrais Le Faux on Vimeo.

This one is of wall in Prague which bears a surprising tag.

A wall in Prague from Vrais Le Faux on Vimeo.

Soon.

OHS Polish stylings

The street on which I am currently residing is being rebuilt.

The entire length of it had been dug up and new road is put in including new tram tracks. I spoke to a friend of mine who as an Architect has been involved in rebuilding of several inner city major roads. The overall concept is to bring back granite paving, cobblestones etc. Part of the deal is restricting car traffic and widening of footpaths as well as providing faster and quieter tram lines.

I've been observing the works on a daily basis for a while and I am quite amazed at the complexity of the undertaking and the technologies involved.

All materials, specialised machines and technologies used seem to be German - of course!

The concrete slabs are pored onto "sleeping mat" like, inch thick material, then silicones, styrofoam, melting rubber, foams god only knows what... On top of that the rails are welded by what looks like a steampunk's version of a butler-dog or something. Soft, sandy-ish slab is wedged between the rails and then heated till it all glows white, once cooled down, top of the rail is steel, sides have an expansion gap... how? dunno. The rails welded like this are rated for between -35 to +45. Mr. Metlink, interested?

What I find most amusing, scary and strangely exciting (a bit like Formula One, just watching hoping for a crash, right?) is the Polish OHS, or the absolute lack of.

Guys are operating machinery which could cut a spaceship in half and walk off smirking without ANY protection, I mean shoes and pants are OK, rest no-need.

Rail grinders providing sparks like at the Beijing Olympics, tram rails dangling overhead on chains, flames, rods... and nothing.

I guess god watches over Poland so nothing can possibly go wrong. It could be that the years of the previous regime gave workers enough time to comply with the theory of evolution and remove the unsuitable from the gene pool.

I was just observing manoeuvring of a largeish machine under some, probably live cabling. Girls and children walking around in the hellish noise as if nothing. No one even speeds up past the monster or even looks at it - what is it? Lack of self preservation gene?

Maybe we Polish don't see yellow?

BTW. It's been well over 30 for the last 3 days. And humid too, a bit like Sydney really.

London

Here's a seriously belated one for you - London trip happened a few weeks ago, but being the Procrastinator General I gave myself plenty of time to write about it.
In short I loved London, but first things first.
A few days prior to the trip the temperatures in Krakow oscillated at around 11 to 13 deg. The report for the weekend in London was 16,18, 20. I expected to warm up my old bones and catch some sun. I very quickly found that London's 18 feels like Krakow's 2 above zero. There's the same wet-right-through-you chill there as during Melbourne's winter - brrrr... nasty. So get some thermals for London's summer.
Driving from the airport it felt like being in Melbourne. I guess Jeff changed our road signs and naming (M1 etc.) to closely match the British Standards.


First impressions from the actual city were of horror. I though Krakow gets crowded, but let me tell you - walking London is like trying to get to see the Christmas decorations at Myer's. The crowds are truly insane. There must be 5 people to a square metre.
Another thing that hit me hard was the fact that it seems the Brits love their musicals. Without a proper research I counted about 15 playing concurrently, in parallels, at the same time (C). I do have a deeply rooted hatred of musicals and felt as if someone in the city of culture decided to torment me with incessant advertising of fucking musicals. From Alabama, through the entire alphabet, to Zebra the musical it was all there...


On the second day I managed to wander through the city on my own, at my own pace and must say I felt in love with London. The city has an integrity, a solidness which cannot be described but can be felt just sitting on your shoulders. Krakow has a similar feel to it, but the scale cannot be compared. Melbourne in turn feels skin-deep.


London Underground - All I can say is that I want to go back there and spend a month travelling, never to surface at all. The stations, the windy corridors, the grime of time - LOVE IT. It's not a place of a claustrophobe that's for certain, but again it feels solid and trustworthy.


I guess I was quite overpowered by the place and did not actually take many photos. I am not a good tourist and always had problems taking snaps. I did however took some shots for the sake of the blog and the never-ending-sit -and-watch-my-holiday-photos evenings.

Here is one of a red bus. They have double storey red busses in London and they go broooom brooom. Combined with the Tube they create a brilliant public transport system.

If anyone ever tells me that Melbourne has public transport, I am going to bite their ear off.

And here's one of a guard in front of the Ministry of Silly Faces.

They sit of horses with a sword behind their ear, how cute! I had no idea that Mothy Pyton had so much influence.

They start them young, put them on horses and keep them there until they are fully grown.

There's a constant picket in front of the Houses of Parliament, bloody radicals!

This is my foot in London.

Piccadilly Circus - what a disappointment! No clowns riding tiny bikes, no poodles jumping through flaming hoops - some circus - boring.

St. Paul's, he wasn't in that day.

Christo waz ere!

For the sake of teaching geography British style, there are markers pointing to all "Little Britains" all over the world.

A couple of look around shots.

I had the pleasure of having a conversation with a true-blue Tory voter.

Due to common sense I shall not quote any of his statements, nuff to say that Goebbels would be proud to have him on his team. Rule, Britannia! rule the waves...

I have noticed that in order to accommodate the tourist from the continent, the locals have placed signs over their hand basins saying "Caution, hot water". That is due to the fact that they still believe that having two taps, one with scalding hot and one with freezing cold water, is the way to enter the XXI century (just like Oz really). The signs are in English only of course, but for those barbarians who do not read English, the text is very large. How quaint. It's an ancient tradition that when speaking to someone who doesn't understand English all you have to do is speak LOUDER.

There is however a funny side to that. They (the British) must have seen a mixer tap somewhere and some clever industrial designer designed non-mixer taps that look like mixer taps. Maybe it's just me but I find it hilarious if a bit sad. A touch of innovation mixed (no pun intended) with tradition.

Here's the achievement. I expected more form the people who brought us a steam engine, mechanical loom and child coal miners.

Just next door to the pearl of French architecture, know locally as the "Tower of London" there is a fountain depicting what seems to be a female human attempting to strangle a dolphin. Obviously the norms of female beauty vary from culture to culture and differences should be accepted. I've spent a couple of hours pondering the sculpture trying to work out what happened here. Was it that the puritan artist have never seen a female form before? It is quite possible as not that long ago European paintings had clothes painted on before being allowed on the island - this is a historical fact. Or is this what tickles the locals fancy... dunno really...

"Lie back and think of england" girls and boys.

The following day I came back to the place for further study, this time armed with a ugly-O-meter, which I made overnight. According to my measurements if this sculpture were any uglier (by about 0.0003701Ug) it would collapse under its own ugliness and destroy everything within the radius of 67.3 miles.

All in all, go and see London, it's worth it.

On things religious...

Blessings brothers, sisters and the confused.
I would like to announce a true miracle.
The waters in Wisła (that's the river which flows through Krakow) started subsiding! You may simply conclude that it has something to do with a reduced rainfall or something else equally prosaic. But no, no, no... it is only because our glorious cardinal Dziwisz performed some sort of a secret rite involving bobbing up and down as well as large amounts of magic water and other things mystical.
The interesting thing about the clergy in Poland is that not a day passes without them telling us how to live our lives, bring children up etc. They are there in their best dresses to splash magic water on anything, new bus shed, power plant or a fountain. Splashing water on fountains seems a touch silly, but who am I to judge...
Anyway, with wealth probably well over the country's budget they just disappeared from the media the moment people actually needed help. I did not see a single priest on TV offering to pay for a bulldozer or sandbags. Obviously the non-magical water is bad for their health.
Schools were being closed and offered as refuges, not parish halls or churches.
Yesterday, when the waters started subsiding, I caught a glimpse on the telly of Mr. Dziwisz (the cardinal) mumbling something about St. Stanislaw and how he always protected Poland and how he (the cardinal) is going to wave his magic wand and the St. Stanislaw will rush from heavens to help. In fact I just found out that the remains of St. Stanislaw were hoisted up a tower for him to be able to "see the magnitude of destruction"... OK, call me a nonbeliever, but if St. Stanislaw is indeed a saint, shouldn't his bones be able to see the destruction from their cosy silver box? Don't saints have like X-Ray vision or summtink? Is a vantage point on a tower so much better?
Well, what do you know... it worked! The river is even lower today!
Hallelujah brothers, sisters and the confused!
I am contemplating prostrating myself for a week or two in front of the cardinal's centre of heavenly command. I can only hope it doesn't rain on me...
The cardinal has also promised to pray for the people affected by the flooding and reminded them that the disaster should enliven and enforce their faith - simple and obvious conclusion, innit?


Don't get me wrong, I am of the opinion that everyone is entitled to their faith and should be able to behave whichever-odd-way they choose.
I however am unable to comprehend that in the centre of Europe, in the XXI century antics like that are included in the news reporting and that in the serious section. If it sat somewhere with the baby panda and a tomato shaped cucumber, I'd have no problem whatsoever.
Last disclaimer. I assume that if the clergy has the right to give advice on parenting and sex life, I have the right to give advice on religion.

-*-

Continuing on my way to hell I'd like to share a photo with you.

It is of a publication I spotted in one of the Kiosks selling cigarettes, TV guides, soft porn and tram tickets.

Is it just me, or is there something wrong with this picture?

Is the boy leaning backwards, with his hand in the "stay away" mode?

Is the old guy just a touch creepy?

The title says: "Proofs of sainthood"... I know of a few places in the world where people get arrested for such proofs. I contemplated buying this publications (for research purposes only - I swear!), but I am afraid it's a bait and one could be arrested for buying it.

Nothing's sacred anymore, nothing, not even young boys...

PS.
It's Saturday, the Brits* are here, time to hibernate for the weekend.
________________________
* There will be a separate story on the superior race visiting Krakow on weekends. Stay glued!

River raging

The water level is 3.9m over the danger level.

Some banks have broken, people being evacuated.

Army with amphibian vehicles are moving in.

Soon I'll need a blow up mattress to get the ciggies.

State of emergency.

Despite the volcano sewing dust I managed to come back from London on my scheduled flight just to find Krakow in a flood emergency.
It's been the wettest spring ever and it's been raining full on since Saturday. By now the river is 3m over the danger mark.
Bridges are closed, people were let out of work early to get home, sirens, helicopters, emergency vehicles, sand bagging and traffic jams... in one word, fun!
I went for a walk in the pouring rain hoping that the camera holds up to the claim of being waterproof, so far no smoke...
Starting from "my" bridge, sandbags were being laid out. In fact they are also using water bags - plastic "bags" filled with water... clever or stupid... I'll assume it's clever.
Sunday's Oxford/Cambridge regata and the boat show havw been cancelled too.

On the other side of the river a current diverter was being built by a digger in the water and people standing on the sand bags in the river. The emergency guys have all the fun.

So much for "late May" installation of the new walk bridge. We hope it doesn't topple over in the flood.

Then...

...and now.

The main South-North arterial.

Obviously closed, but no problem, the bridge ahead is closed anyway - weighted down with sand, hoping for the best.

Krakow's latest swimming pool is now open.

My town is wet, why should I keep dry...

The decision has been made to ring the ancient bell at the Castle to stop the flood. The royal bell is rung about 2-3 times a year only, for other times we have a plethora other, lesser bells. Funny place Krakow, the city is flooding, let's ring the bell!

It may sound funny, but apparently it's a law to let the citizens know that something is not right. OK, we do have radios and TVs, but why change the law? What if we run out of electricity, then what...

A "Don't Panic" stencil on the bridge over the raging torrent...

_._

Walking along the river I came across an amusement park set up by zee Germans. Amusement parks obviously are now a part of an educational programme and are supposed to "teach through fun". Here's the bit on Australia. Spot a mistake for a chance to win a ride for you and a loved one on the "Vomit Master 3000" (due to reopen just after the flood).

Got it? I'll give you a hint: always keep both hands on the wheel while driving!

Even the lights up top are spinach-and-eggs, or gold and green if you wish.

There's something for everyone there:

bound girls for Col

and funny, funny clowns for DJ ;-)

_._

Walking back through "my" bridge I noticed padlocks with names on them locked around the railings. I was told that many gay couples "wed" on bridges and throw the key into the river.

Here's Lukasz and Pawel.

Hope you guys last longer than an average church-approved marriage.

_._

Finally, I've started wondering if I may have anything to do with the excitement, which seems to have no end. A few weeks after the death of the president, with a volcano doing it's volcanic thing and Krakow being flooded a middle aged lady walked up to me today and said: "Shorts!? In this weather?! END OF THE WORLD!!!" and walked off shaking her head. Imagine her conversation at the dinner table tonight.

"Did you see the river?"

"Phew! the river... I saw a guy WEARING SHORTS!!!"

"Shorts!? In this weather?! END OF THE WORLD!!!"

"That's EXACTLY what I said dear... what's next...what's next" Hangs her head, shoulders slumped, camera moves back, wide shot of the table, fade to black.

The end.

Update, update!

The Slovaks have killed the bear!

The hills are alive with laughter of children yet again... thank god!

Copyright: http://www.wildliferecapture.com/retail/bears/bear-skin-rug.jpg

PS. As the ability to spell is diminishing, one can have lots of fun typing "bear skin" into image search...

I have uploaded...

... a new video to Vimeo. Link to "Krakow Grey" on the side >>>
Do not laugh, but any comments will be greatly appreciated.
I am struggling with the moving stuff and would like to know what you think.
cheers!

Sports across the nations

It's raining, time for some TV. Sports, what else.
As the Le Mans in Spa is starting, I decided to have a look at a bit of the race. The preparations were going on, EuroSport channel decided to interrupt with a bit of "Whacky Sports" spot. So many funny things people do, pole tossing, under ice diving, ditch jumping, cheese rolling, AFL, uphill skiing. I had no idea there were so many whacky sports in the world.

Village life...

We had a long weekend here to celebrate the 1st and 3rd of May.
1st of May a labour day, 3rd Constitution Day. A flood of tourists was heading towards Krakow and the only logical solution was to drive against the traffic.
My friend Agnieszka took me to see her holiday house which, due to family issues is being neglected and falling apart.
Luckily, just next door is a house of our friends who have been living out there for the last 17 years. Generously, they invited us for the weekend.
The area is absolutely beautiful. Valleys, hills, forests and all of them covered in beeches and the man loves his beech!
We've spent the time chatting and going for walks in the rain. An added bonus of the trip was meeting my friend's sister who just happens to be the historical director of Versailles, so  next time I'm in Paris...
___

This is Agnieszka's house. Unfortunately it's in disrepair due to the typical yours/mine/you pay/I use... type of a situation.

This is the resulting decor...

Our friends' house, loved and lived in...

... and the resulting decor. The owners are architects and artists as well as art historians, teaching at architecture and doing some conservation work around the country, collecting and restoring stuff.

The meadows in bloom, no water shortage here.

Lush, lush, lush...

A neighbour in the rain. This house will be for sale soon as the owners are drinking themselves to death - hurry up I say!

Off to the forest, the clouds were rolling in making the landscape absolutely magical.

Local wildlife. Salamanders were once considered R-rated (near extinction). By now, with a massive reduction in use of fertilisers and environmental approach to farming and living, they are all over the forest floor. It's hard not to step on them. They must be one of the cutest animals out there. They feel soft and rubbery like a squishy toy and despite the colouring are not toxic. Apparently very bitter if eaten, not that I would try.

The clouds rolled in and it was time to test my camera's claim of being water resistant.

Sorta Japanese looking I think, gotta love the beeches!

Another beautiful house in the rain. The camera survived, thank you Canon!

In the clouds...

This is an R - protected mushroom. Again, it has not been seen in years and now they seem to pop up in gardens in the mountains. Apparently you can get a permit to harvest one a year and the cost is about $1000 a pop. The taste is that of a truffle. When grown, they are the size of a wine bottle.

This is what they call the May snows. Fruit tree petals.

We employed the latest Polish technology to clear a bit of the garden - women with scythes - brilliant. I used the scythe as well and I must say it's an absolutely brilliant design. Obviously centuries of development allowed it to become an extension of your body. Stuff the ride-on mowers, get a scythe.

This is Wojtek, the owner of the beautiful house.

Apart from being a teacher he's started producing environmentally friendly toys. It started as a hobby and soon progressed to a world wide distribution including Australia.

Due to the popularity of his stuff he was invited to take part in a EU's educational programme for children. The programme promotes social and environmental values and awareness. Wojtek works with a group of designers producing toys promoting use of public transport. You can see his stuff HERE.

It absolutely amazes me how progressive the EU is in their approaches to people's lives in general. There are masses of money being invested in the future, grants left right and centre. There are grants for rebuilding old village houses as long as they are restored to their original state. Slow tourism is a good grant getter and so is enviro-tourism.

.