London

Here's a seriously belated one for you - London trip happened a few weeks ago, but being the Procrastinator General I gave myself plenty of time to write about it.
In short I loved London, but first things first.
A few days prior to the trip the temperatures in Krakow oscillated at around 11 to 13 deg. The report for the weekend in London was 16,18, 20. I expected to warm up my old bones and catch some sun. I very quickly found that London's 18 feels like Krakow's 2 above zero. There's the same wet-right-through-you chill there as during Melbourne's winter - brrrr... nasty. So get some thermals for London's summer.
Driving from the airport it felt like being in Melbourne. I guess Jeff changed our road signs and naming (M1 etc.) to closely match the British Standards.


First impressions from the actual city were of horror. I though Krakow gets crowded, but let me tell you - walking London is like trying to get to see the Christmas decorations at Myer's. The crowds are truly insane. There must be 5 people to a square metre.
Another thing that hit me hard was the fact that it seems the Brits love their musicals. Without a proper research I counted about 15 playing concurrently, in parallels, at the same time (C). I do have a deeply rooted hatred of musicals and felt as if someone in the city of culture decided to torment me with incessant advertising of fucking musicals. From Alabama, through the entire alphabet, to Zebra the musical it was all there...


On the second day I managed to wander through the city on my own, at my own pace and must say I felt in love with London. The city has an integrity, a solidness which cannot be described but can be felt just sitting on your shoulders. Krakow has a similar feel to it, but the scale cannot be compared. Melbourne in turn feels skin-deep.


London Underground - All I can say is that I want to go back there and spend a month travelling, never to surface at all. The stations, the windy corridors, the grime of time - LOVE IT. It's not a place of a claustrophobe that's for certain, but again it feels solid and trustworthy.


I guess I was quite overpowered by the place and did not actually take many photos. I am not a good tourist and always had problems taking snaps. I did however took some shots for the sake of the blog and the never-ending-sit -and-watch-my-holiday-photos evenings.

Here is one of a red bus. They have double storey red busses in London and they go broooom brooom. Combined with the Tube they create a brilliant public transport system.

If anyone ever tells me that Melbourne has public transport, I am going to bite their ear off.

And here's one of a guard in front of the Ministry of Silly Faces.

They sit of horses with a sword behind their ear, how cute! I had no idea that Mothy Pyton had so much influence.

They start them young, put them on horses and keep them there until they are fully grown.

There's a constant picket in front of the Houses of Parliament, bloody radicals!

This is my foot in London.

Piccadilly Circus - what a disappointment! No clowns riding tiny bikes, no poodles jumping through flaming hoops - some circus - boring.

St. Paul's, he wasn't in that day.

Christo waz ere!

For the sake of teaching geography British style, there are markers pointing to all "Little Britains" all over the world.

A couple of look around shots.

I had the pleasure of having a conversation with a true-blue Tory voter.

Due to common sense I shall not quote any of his statements, nuff to say that Goebbels would be proud to have him on his team. Rule, Britannia! rule the waves...

I have noticed that in order to accommodate the tourist from the continent, the locals have placed signs over their hand basins saying "Caution, hot water". That is due to the fact that they still believe that having two taps, one with scalding hot and one with freezing cold water, is the way to enter the XXI century (just like Oz really). The signs are in English only of course, but for those barbarians who do not read English, the text is very large. How quaint. It's an ancient tradition that when speaking to someone who doesn't understand English all you have to do is speak LOUDER.

There is however a funny side to that. They (the British) must have seen a mixer tap somewhere and some clever industrial designer designed non-mixer taps that look like mixer taps. Maybe it's just me but I find it hilarious if a bit sad. A touch of innovation mixed (no pun intended) with tradition.

Here's the achievement. I expected more form the people who brought us a steam engine, mechanical loom and child coal miners.

Just next door to the pearl of French architecture, know locally as the "Tower of London" there is a fountain depicting what seems to be a female human attempting to strangle a dolphin. Obviously the norms of female beauty vary from culture to culture and differences should be accepted. I've spent a couple of hours pondering the sculpture trying to work out what happened here. Was it that the puritan artist have never seen a female form before? It is quite possible as not that long ago European paintings had clothes painted on before being allowed on the island - this is a historical fact. Or is this what tickles the locals fancy... dunno really...

"Lie back and think of england" girls and boys.

The following day I came back to the place for further study, this time armed with a ugly-O-meter, which I made overnight. According to my measurements if this sculpture were any uglier (by about 0.0003701Ug) it would collapse under its own ugliness and destroy everything within the radius of 67.3 miles.

All in all, go and see London, it's worth it.